Every time I see this beautiful pair of knees, I feel worthless. TRIGGERED, oh, yes. this is what I do. I grip and twist my flesh (fat) – I hate my body so much. this is my only recourse, given my faulty “equipment”. I remain standing as often as I can, because I can’t stand the way my legs look when I’m seated. thighs thick and straining and stretching the fabric of my shorts; I can’t bear it. and when my knees are bent, all the fat flattens and spills out of the fold. it is disgusting and UNACCEPTABLE. what to do? maybe I can tear it off, if I just grab and twist hard enough. the hatred is building and I know what’s coming next.
I need to bleed.
Crackles with a frightening intensity.
Thank you! This one, like almost all of them, just instructs my fingers to type…I never know where they’re going. Getting there is my joy. Love words!