I don’t know what I want more….freedom, from my ED, or a body that society deems acceptable. it would be unbelievable to experience freedom from the disease…it’s been 40 years! I forget what it’s like, to be able to think freely without constant intrusive slams attacking every fleeting thought. and I forget what it’s like […]
who is my audience? who am I writing for? I say it’s to reach others with familiar struggles. to “raise awareness.” I am sincere when I say this, but secretly wonder if it’s really for another reason. am I just writing for “likes”? do I bare my soul in these “blogs,” just for “positive (or […]
she’s very vain. proud, and very, very vain. at least that’s what they say. how ironic! she has zero self-esteem and is convinced she is totally unworthy of anything. it’s really not “vanity,” but her obsession with her weight, and her appearance. she’s brushing her hair in front of the mirror in her locker…brushing HARD […]
toxic people only have power if you let them into your head. I’ve had several toxic relationships in my life, and I’ve found this to be true each time. I loved a narcissist for 4 years; this was the first one. he gaslighted me with lies about my mental health and support network. I quickly […]
1990 no one knew. of course, how could they? it never happened in public. he was very careful. the abuse was saved for alone time. reserved for at home or in the car. my anxiety was through the roof, and I was constantly on “high alert”. “You’re NOT wearing that. we are not going ANYWHERE […]
I’m getting better. he better call me. I’ll do better next time. when am I going to feel better? I feel like I’m always waiting for better. when will it get here? I know I am getting “better” – but I’m not there yet. and how do I know this? by reading tons of articles/writings […]
I have the most difficult time taking in a compliment. Or a kind word. or just a nod of approval. It’s strange – I hear the words, and I trust the source. I just cannot, for some reason, let the words in. Into my head and my heart. I have to begin the inner dialogue […]
