this is my truth: I will ALWAYS have a “difficult” relationship with food. I hope I don’t always see it as my enemy. “adversary” is a better word. I have accepted that. my head is so utterly tired. I wonder if I’ll ever eat anything, EVER again, without hating myself afterwards. I really want to […]
Tag: Disgusting body
what do I want more?
I don’t know what I want more….freedom, from my ED, or a body that society deems acceptable. it would be unbelievable to experience freedom from the disease…it’s been 40 years! I forget what it’s like, to be able to think freely without constant intrusive slams attacking every fleeting thought. and I forget what it’s like […]
in the zone
I’m in that place where my body is empty and peaceful. after purging abuse and before more purging abuse. my sweet spot, it feels like I’m in a warm bath. I’m empty…the coveted reward for barely eating. floating above my physical body, with no mean critic telling me I need to empty more. it will […]