eating disorder has been with me for 40 years. I’m used to how it feels…omnipresent in my life, it affects every part of my self-esteem and my opinion of myself. the bipolar diagnosis, however, is different. Up and down, unpredictable and upsetting…this “condition” is visceral. depression is insidious and seeps into every thought. mania is […]
1990 no one knew. of course, how could they? it never happened in public. he was very careful. the abuse was saved for alone time. reserved for at home or in the car. my anxiety was through the roof, and I was constantly on “high alert”. “You’re NOT wearing that. we are not going ANYWHERE […]
“Who has to pee?” All hands went up, including mine. We were like cattle, the herd all moving toward the front of the room. I was starting to get used to the rules here and took my place in the back of the line. This was not the worst thing about being here, I thought, […]
my depression is here again. depression so thick and sticky, like molasses. my whole mind and body overwhelmed with feelings of unworthiness. this is what bipolar is. its up and down, depressed and manic. sure, the meds help a LOT. but it’s the nature of the disease. pair it with an eating disorder and you’ve […]
7:52am, NOVEMBER 12, 1990 I knew there’d be people outside with signs. It was 8 in the morning, and we were parking in a covered lot. It was very cold. I looked at him from the passenger seat and desperately tried to think of something…ANYTHING to say that would make him love me. “You know…. […]
