in the zone

purging abuse
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I’m in that place where my body is empty and peaceful. after purging abuse and before more purging abuse. my sweet spot, it feels like I’m in a warm bath. I’m empty…the coveted reward for barely eating. floating above my physical body, with no mean critic telling me I need to empty more. it will come, but for now, I am blissful. lying here, it’s like I’m two dimensional! my stomach is flat. this is elation. true joy.

this is sick!

writing this reminds me of how my ED brain twists everything into being about the ED! emptiness is not a healthy goal to pursue. eating regularly and experiencing normal body function – THIS is what we want, right? why don’t I covet this?

but no. my ED brain makes the rules (right now, at least). I’m hideous and huge, and don’t you forget it!

Oh, I WON’T.

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