I was half of a whole. and now I’m severed and raw. pain is bloody and gut-wrenching. a gaping hole, dendrites screaming. my brain shrieks back “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” but I can’t silence the crackling electric memories traversing along neural paths, lightning fast. brain is selecting polaroids that stream the live photo gallery of my life…I can’t take it (“STOP!”), hands fluttering to my scrunched up eyes. hot, mascara-black tears trickle down my face. my pain of being a widow is so heavy.