I know it’s annoying. do you know someone like me? I’m always apologizing, most of the time for things that have absolutely nothing to do with me or my actions. I believe it’s rooted in my insecurity and lack of self-esteem; that’s what all my previous counselors and therapists have said. I suppose it’s true. I have the immediate need to accept responsibility for WHATEVER has been said or done, and apologize for it. I most likely have nothing to do with what has occurred.
it is an involuntary response. I have to work on it.
- I asked my dad to check the mail. he came back and said “no mail for you, Shelby.” my response is “I’m sorry,” apologizing for asking him to go out and check the mail and coming up with an empty mailbox. NOT MY FAULT.
- I have a disagreement with my sister over something stupid, and I apologize to end it. I take responsibility for the argument. NOT MY FAULT.
- I returned a phone call from my health insurance agent. she said “I wasn’t sure I had the right number.” i say “oh, I’m sorry.” why? OUT OF MY CONTROL.
it’s so ingrained in me, I don’t think I can control it. the words come out of me without any forethought or planning.
“I’m sorry” is my go-to response. it is ERODING what is left of my self-esteem. why must I try to assume responsibility for whatever has been said or done, when I have little to do with it at all?
it’s debilitating. it’s like a small rock hammer is chinking out a piece of me, every time I say I’m sorry when I haven’t done anything. it doesn’t bother me at the time. in fact, it’s a relief…ending the conflict or conversation by apologizing. it’s only later, when I’ve thought about it, that I feel the chink and the pain from the erosion of another piece of my self-esteem.
I need an electric dog collar that shocks me whenever I say “I’m sorry.”
if only, right?