stop talking

have you ever been told “it’s all in your head?” on more than one occasion? I heard it often, in a very troubled relationship in my past. “quiet down,” “stop yelling!” “shut up.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I heard this litany, and much more all day/every day. and I was FOREVER being […]

acceptance

this is my truth: I will ALWAYS have a “difficult” relationship with food. I hope I don’t always see it as my enemy. “adversary” is a better word. I have accepted that. my head is so utterly tired. I wonder if I’ll ever eat anything, EVER again, without hating myself afterwards. I really want to […]

commit

My blog is for people that don’t want to commit. They want their dose of gritty, raw truth in paragraphs that end perilously too soon. my words are meant to bridge the gap between the “now” and the commitment to ending the cycle of self-harming. bridging the gap means taking a leap. it’s hard…there is […]

congratulations! you’ve won a “vacation” in that far-off destination… RECOVERY!

I recently sent myself an invitation to “vacation” in this new, appealing place called “RECOVERY”. It had been recommended/strongly suggested to me by my “travelagent”/therapist. I was sure to include the bright and sunny brochures, given to me by my “travelagent”/therapist….this place sounded AMAZING. It promised bright, sun-dappled relief from intrusive thoughts, and handy tools […]

cutter

few know, or even understand, how absolutely omnipotent self-harming can be in the life of someone that is suffering. I have been self-harming a long time. whether it’s cutting, digging, picking, WHATEVER…I’ve been doing it a VERY long time. it started with my scalp, in elementary school. picking at my scalp until I removed skin, […]

emptiness

sizing up my constant challenger – the blank page – armed and ready to taunt me relentlessly. I shamelessly relish the opportunity to step up to the plate. taking a swing? now that’s something altogether different. I’m the kind of writer that needs to have a prompt of some kind. I need the lightbulb over […]