stop talking

have you ever been told “it’s all in your head?” on more than one occasion? I heard it often, in a very troubled relationship in my past. “quiet down,” “stop yelling!” “shut up.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I heard this litany, and much more all day/every day. and I was FOREVER being […]

mania

I’ve been awake all night. sweaty and full of anxiety. I am waiting for my health insurance to authorize refills on my bipoolar medicine, and anxiety medicine.. somehow I forgot to take care of this before I ended up like this. I’m usually on top of stuff like this, but everybody makes mistakes. it’s scary, […]

hullabaloo about mental illness

mental illnesses, disorders, and all that hullabaloo

for a very long time, I inhabited the world of UNdiagnosed, MISdiagnosed, and OVERmedicated. it’s a full-time job, pursuing affordable, qualified psychiatric care. and, when you finally find a doctor that takes your insurance, and is qualified to deal with the specifics of your illness(es), they’re not taking new patients. it’s a very involved process, […]

anguish from mental pain

anguish

I am falling apart. it’s agony. mental illness physically hurts me. torments me every day. I’ve been scratching and digging my head and considering peeling skin off my feet. I need to feel something different from mental pain. bleeding would be good too. but I can’t. I am purposefully surrounded by my family. they are […]

I'm wounded from this disease

wounded

I’m a liar. so I’m saying this truthfully. let me explain. I’m a liar by omission, and also, by words. there was a time in my life (not recently) when I endured verbal abuse. it became, as I’m sure you can imagine, horrible to live with. I felt like a dog, being kicked over and […]

acceptance

this is my truth: I will ALWAYS have a “difficult” relationship with food. I hope I don’t always see it as my enemy. “adversary” is a better word. I have accepted that. my head is so utterly tired. I wonder if I’ll ever eat anything, EVER again, without hating myself afterwards. I really want to […]