who is my audience? who am I writing for? I say it’s to reach others with familiar struggles. to “raise awareness.” I am sincere when I say this, but secretly wonder if it’s really for another reason. am I just writing for “likes”? do I bare my soul in these “blogs,” just for “positive (or negative!) feedback?” I think I write to be “affirmed.” I’m looking for a standing ovation, every time. I’m dying for affirmation. I can’t WAIT to get a response, whether it’s verbal, on paper, on the telephone…it doesn’t matter. it’s not enough that I write for MYSELF. sure, it feels good. but it feels much BETTER to get compliments from a respected source. it makes it “worth it.” but waiting anxiously for others to “respond” in some way…this is pretty pathetic. the writing is what it’s all about. I know this, but I am so NEEDY. OBSESSING, and CRAVING praise. the writing should be enough. expressing my truth, fully honest. I enjoy the feeling that comes with writing, and I need it to be enough. I feel the COMPUSLSION to write. it is who I am. but why do I need a standing ovation, every time? APPROVAL. ACCOLADES. COMPLIMENTS. I need ALL of them, even though I know my writing is good. DESPERATE for love and attention. It’s pitiful.
who is my audience? what am I trying to prove? I just want to tell a story, truthfully. it’s hard to describe the emotions, but I’m trying to do it honestly. it makes me feel sorry for myself…I have no self-esteem. I write because I have to. And I am searching for my reasons.