I am falling apart. it’s agony. mental illness physically hurts me. torments me every day. I’ve been scratching and digging my head and considering peeling skin off my feet. I need to feel something different from mental pain. bleeding would be good too.
but I can’t. I am purposefully surrounded by my family. they are watching me all the time. I’ve been getting better, I think. but the negative self-talk is SO omniscient and controlling. as long as I hear it, I immediately listen. need to figure out a way to not listen.
but it’s in my BRAIN! how can I quiet that? I am seriously asking this.
I’ve felt like this before. having a “breakdown” of sorts – my body is so tired of pain, I think it’s just exhausted, but I’m trying to FEEL what it wants me to.
maybe that will satisfy that self-talk.
I survey my fingernails, and say a quick prayer for mental health.