anguish from mental pain

I am falling apart. it’s agony. mental illness physically hurts me. torments me every day. I’ve been scratching and digging my head and considering peeling skin off my feet. I need to feel something different from mental pain. bleeding would be good too.

but I can’t. I am purposefully surrounded by my family. they are watching me all the time. I’ve been getting better, I think. but the negative self-talk is SO omniscient and controlling. as long as I hear it, I immediately listen. need to figure out a way to not listen.

but it’s in my BRAIN! how can I quiet that? I am seriously asking this.

I’ve felt like this before. having a “breakdown” of sorts – my body is so tired of pain, I think it’s just exhausted, but I’m trying to FEEL what it wants me to.

maybe that will satisfy that self-talk.

I survey my fingernails, and say a quick prayer for mental health.


  1. As usual, you voice our inner narrative that’s oft sublime. But you never fail to identify a new mode of capturing its essence…

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