a content soul

a content soul: "Authenticity is freedom from the illusion of fear and alignment to the reality of love"

yes, the rumors are true! I am working on becoming my authentic self. it just sounds SO appealing! to be stripped of all pretense and disguise. imagine being able to truthfully exclaim to no one in particular that you are, without a doubt, your complete and AUTHENTIC self. you may think to your authentic self “hmmm…according to whom?”

but we’ll get to that.

it’s not easy. in my particular case, it means exposing my ED symptoms and behaviors. admitting that I have them, to anyone that will listen. my ED thoughts hang around my neck in heavy ropes of self-harming dialogue; intrusive thoughts that need to be quieted. my bipolar mood swings need to be managed better (though the medications work very well.). things really aren’t so bad, considering.

a content soul: image of woman with bound wrists

Is it really true, as it proclaims in the above graphic, that fear is really an illusion? right now I don’t think so. still being very much “in the thick of it” with respect to COVID19. fear makes you a prisoner. locks you up and victimizes you. I find that fear is a spasm of the brain when it’s shocked and/or scared. a specific brain muscle that flexes itself.. just like your heart can skip a beat when remembering your first real kiss with the love of your life, FEAR is your brain “skipping a beat” as you absorb the fact that something dangerous could happen. your heart rate will climb as your upper lip sweats. something bad could easily happen.

but it dissipates. fear splinters apart, into shards of “reality.” I know I don’t have to be afraid anymore. authenticity demands self-awareness and truth. do not be afraid of becoming fully “authentic.” it’s easy to be afraid, but harder to be a fully “transparent” and honest soul that flies fearlessly.

working on it.

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