a case of ptsd

it was suggested to me by a professional that I have PTSD from the experiences I have endured in past years.

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a psychiatric disorder that may occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, disturbing death of a spouse, a terrorist act, war/combat, or rape or who have been threatened with death, sexual violence or serious injury.

this was a very interesting development. PTSD? Really? I immediately went online to read about it. my instant “go-to” reaction is to RESEARCH and STUDY. I would definitely have some of the symptoms, if I do have a case of PTSD, right? hold on…I’m looking it up.

PTSD can impact anyone who experiences, witnesses or has second-hand exposure to a traumatic event. it can sometimes take months, or years to show up and experience symptoms.

I lost my husband to cancer in 2017. With bipolar disorder and multiple sclerosis symptoms and pain, I was able to care for him until he passed. I will forever be grateful to God for giving me the strength and courage to fight my MS and do this. The diagnosis of MPNST (malignant peripheral nerve sheath tumors) came in early 2017, and I lost him on 5/27/17.

this was my traumatic event.

I’m trying to recover from this event. getting therapy, reaching out and WRITING about it. the healing is happening, and in the four years he’s been gone, I’ve been recovering. the pain is still excruciating at times, when I think of how he was taken way too soon. I miss every brilliant, crazy, strong and loving thing he used to do...I just miss everything.

but my memories are a gift, and if I can keep sharing, the pain may lessen.

it’s all I can hope for.